


Agent Galaga Already Knows The Old Saying About Russia and Winter

by darth_stitch



Series: He Blows It Eight-To-The-Bar (In Boogie Rhythm) [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst and Humor, Castlevania - Freeform, Crack, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Steve Rogers is Not a Virgin, Steve Rogers is a Troll, count buckula
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-25
Updated: 2014-12-25
Packaged: 2018-03-03 10:22:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2847572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darth_stitch/pseuds/darth_stitch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which we learn that Steve Rogers HAS kissed somebody (somebodies?) since 1945.  Because he's 95, not dead.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Agent Galaga Already Knows The Old Saying About Russia and Winter

So despite Tony Stark trying to make it so, his name is _not_ Agent Galaga. 

His real name is Jonathan Wade.  He’s a Brooklyn boy - born and bred, he _loves_ messing around with emulators and ROMs because the old school games will never go out of style and _yes_ , he was the one who set up more than one person’s station with a _sick_ Castlevania: Symphony of the Night ROM on their respective Playstation emulators.  

In fact, that’s how he ended up bonding with Captain America - the video games.

So Cap, who apparently has snookered everyone with his “I’m a Confused Old Man Get Off My Lawn You God Damn Kids” shtick, is an actual Epic Fucking Troll.  Agent Wade knows the briefing packet that everyone got on him - that he’s depressed, that the shrinks were even considering a discreet suicide watch, that maybe, just maybe, all the talk about him and Bucky Barnes wasn’t just idle gossip. 

Yeah, Cap wasn’t a happy camper, the first few months he was out of the ice. 

However, since the whole Battle of New York thing, Cap… well, _Steve_ is actually trying to _live_ in this brand new world he’s woken up in.  So, much later, he shyly approaches Agent Wade and asks him about Galaga. 

Wade has about thirty seconds of internal squee-ing to make, before he gets Steve all hooked up. 

Steve _enjoys_ the games. 

Also, it doesn’t take long for Steve to point out Agent Kate Dernier on _her_ station, who’s just made it into the Inverted Castle level on Symphony of the Night.  Agent Kate has had a serious crush on Alucard of Castlevania since _forever_.  

Okay, so Agent Kate apparently knows some stories about Steve and her grandpa during World War II and that _grand-père_ had way too much fun making things go BOOM, which drove Sergeant Barnes completely crazy.  Apparently, according to Kate's beloved grandfather, Sergeant Barnes had a Thing about Steve, Trouble and Things That Go Boom.  Which included, among other things, how Sergeant Barnes reacted to the story of Steve Rogers throwing himself on what he _didn't_ know was a dummy grenade during Basic Training. 

After Steve finishes _blushing_ and protesting over Kate's _grand-père_ stories and finally gets an explanation as to what game she was so engrossed in, he cracks up completely when he finds out this is a video game based on _Dracula._ He happily requests to be hooked up into this as well. 

So yeah - between the love of video games and the fact that Steve’s actual code name should _really_ be Captain Adorkable, it doesn’t take much for _all_ of the gamers in SHIELD to fall in love with him.  With Agent Wade in the lead. 

He managed not to make a complete idiot of himself when Steve Rogers shyly asked him to a movie.  An Actual. Fucking. Date. 

So okay, this is not epic true love.  This is not white picket fence with maybe kids and a dog or a cat.  Jonny (because at this point, Agent Wade leaves the Agent thing behind) and Steve have a lot of fun together.  There’s kissing and a few more interesting things and Jonny learns to bless Super Soldier Serum for refraction time and yes, Virginia, Steve Rogers is capable of doing a full body blush.  There is  no way in _hell_ that any person can’t help but trace that blush down with lips and hands and tongue.  Enthusiastically. 

They end it when Steve moves to D.C.  It would probably win awards as the Most Cordial Break-Up Ever but then, hey, they both knew what they were in for when they got into this.  Sweetness, laughter, just feeling a little less lonely, a bit of fun.  And hell if Jonny’s not a little proud of himself for being able to chase away the sadness from Steve’s eyes.  It’s nearly _always_ there, if you know how to look closely enough.  It just goes away when people forget to treat him like a sacred icon and remember that he’s just a kid from Brooklyn, who just happens to be the most lovable dork of all fucking time.

They occasionally Skype and talk video games and Jonny teaches Steve some mad skills in Mario Kart.  Steve's only request with Jonny and the other SHIELD gamers is that they keep all of this secret from the other Avengers.  Because, of course, Steve is a Grand High Troll and _likes_ making everyone, especially _Tony Stark_ , think that he's still in the Dark Ages, as far as technology is concerned. 

And then HYDRA happens. 

Jonny had been reassigned to the Tony Stark detail in New York, under Maria Hill.  So was Kate Dernier.

Turns out, HYDRA didn’t want a loyal SHIELD agent and a Howling Commando legacy in their helicarriers. 

Turns out, the two of them were going to end up taking out Agents Canning and Duke for being HYDRA. 

Incidentally, they end up saving Stark’s life and preventing Dr. Banner from Hulking out.  Apparently, Canning and Duke had received orders for a Plan B.  If Insight didn’t succeed in killing Stark and Banner, they were going to take care of it. 

They learn later that all of them were on Project Insight’s kill list - the loyal SHIELD agents and the Avengers. 

Fucking HYDRA. 

And Jonny’s sick with relief when they all learn that Captain America - _Steve_ \- made it. 

And maybe he and Kate cried a little when they all found out who the Winter Soldier really was.

So fast forward in time a little, after the dust and the rubble of the SHIELD Civil War is cleared up, after they all find out that the new director is Agent Phil “HOLY SHIT YOU’RE ALIVE” Coulson, after the mess that was Ultron, after the Winter Soldier - _Sgt. James Buchanan Barnes_ \- was found, helped to recover and is well on his way to becoming an Avenger. 

And somehow and now Jonny wishes he and Kate just let Duke and Canning take out Stark, because really, this is all Tony Stark’s fault, _everyone_ in the Avengers finds out that he and Steve used to date. 

(Long story short - Tony was ragging on Steve for not being able to date since the 1940’s - Steve finally loses his patience and shuts him up with the truth.  Yeah, the fact that he’d _also_ dated Agent Maria Hill came out during this conversation as well.  Agent Hill basically leveled the Glare of a Thousand Deaths upon everyone who even  _thought_ about giving her shit over this. 

Even Director Emeritus Fury. 

For the record, apparently, the thing with Hill also ended cordially - while Steve Rogers wasn't a saint, he also wasn't an asshole.  He and Maria remained pretty good friends.) 

Yeah.  _Everyone._

Including the Winter Soldier.

So…. uh…. Agent Romanov is _impressed_ that Jonny’s kept this dead secret.  Well, Kate knew.  She wasn’t going to gossip about her fellow Castlevania fan. 

The Winter Soldier is not _thrilled_ about this.  Shit.  Jonny knows the saying about Russia and winter and fuck fuck fuck, he did _not_ survive aliens and HYDRA just to get taken out by _badass motherfucker James Buchanan Barnes._

"I didn’t even break Steve’s heart or anything!" Jonny wails. 

His Nana gives him her best unimpressed look.  Okay, so Jonny fled to his Nana Penny, who’s the toughest old broad this side of Brooklyn, because he was in dire need of her super special chocolate chip fudge brownies, moral support and Kate suckered him into it. 

"You’re being an idiot, you know," Kate tells him.  "You guys dated, so fucking what.  It’s over.  It wasn’t even as if you two were _serious._   It’s not like Sergeant Winter’s going to break your legs…. maybe just an arm.  You know.”

"You’re not helping." Jonny glares.  "I will erase all your saved games and make you start the whole thing from scratch, I swear to God."

Nana Penny rolls her eyes.  “I kissed Stevie Rogers once.  Fact was, I was his first kiss.”

"NANA!"

"Holy shit, this is gonna be goooood….."  Kate somehow managed to magically produce popcorn.  

"And I told James Buchanan Barnes that he can either continue stewing in the jellies like a great galumphing idiot or he can run off and make sure _he_ was Stevie’s First Proper Boy Kiss and Keep Him.”  Nana levels her best glare at him.  “Sounds to me like you need to give him the same speech.”

"You.  _Kissed._ Steve Rogers.”  Jonny facepalmed.  

Nana beamed.  “He was adorable even then.  Can you blame a gal?”

"Oh jeez, Nana."   Jonny was going to facepalm on her and on his cow.  

"Goodness gracious, it was _just_ a kiss.  Stevie was a proper gentleman.  Now you go tell His Imperial Jelliness that he needs to get over himself and pick up where he left off with Steve.  I’m pretty sure that’s all what Stevie’s been waiting for.”

"My brain’s exploded.  I don’t have to wait for the Winter Soldier to get me, my own Nana’s done it.  Oh my God…."  Yep, time to facepalm on his cow now...

"Would it help if I was your back-up, Jonny?" Kate offers helpfully.

"And don’t you forget to tell Bucky and Steve that there’s kisses from me and brownies waiting for them here!"  Nana adds. 

Yeah.  Jonny was so doomed. 

Except that he actually blurted out Nana’s speech _word for motherfucking word_ when Sgt. Barnes actually approached him and asked to “talk.”

Blue-gray eyes went wide and okay, he was kind of cute with the blush on his cheeks and Jonny mentally said a quick prayer for the state of his soul and hoped that the Winter Soldier would give him a quick, painless death. 

And then:  “Look, seriously, he was a mess when we were dating.  I knew because _you_ were his everything and you know, that you get this thing about making Steve Rogers _smile_ and it’s like you’d do _anything_ to get him to do that again?”  Oh fuck, oh fuck, Jonny wailed at himself.  He was going to get himself _worse than killed_ , what the fuck, mouth, _no._  

Barnes smiled faintly.  “Yeah, I know that feeling.”

"So that was us, before and it was fun while it lasted but that’s all.  That’s it.  That’s _done._   But you two are a hella long way from being _done._ ”

"I ship it!" Kate calls out cheerfully, while taking on Fake Grant, Sypha and Trevor. 

Barnes blinks. 

Jonny actually manages to shoo him off.  “Come back to us later, we’ll explain shipping to you, but go get your Stevie first.  He’s been waiting long enough.”

Amazingly, Barnes _obeys_ , looking like a man with a mission and totally _determined_ to accomplish it.  

And Jonny was alive and in once piece. 

Eventually, Steve drags a very happy Bucky Barnes along to the SHIELD Den of Gamer Geekery and with Jonny’s help, introduces him to Galaga and all of the classic Nintendo games. 

And of course, to Kate’s eternal glee, Barnes gets hooked on the Castlevania series.

He claims it reminds him of his “Grampy.”

But that’s another story.

_\- end -_

**Author's Note:**

> **Note:**
> 
>  
> 
> Penny is _not_ Peggy - for those who may be late to this mad, mad party.  Penny is Steve and Bucky’s neighbor and friend and was also part of the USO showgirls in the Captain America bond tour.  I made her up.
> 
> There is no real name for Agent Galaga, I had to make one up. 
> 
> Yes, Kate Dernier is Jacques Dernier's granddaughter.
> 
> [thunderboltsortofapenny](http://tmblr.co/mMLibmTPyQ-_nsAaMDSMZsQ) \- the cracktastickness continues.  I hope you don’t mind having Agent Galaga for your grandson.


End file.
